What was I walking into? .2.

All I knew was that the flight prices to Split were decent and I wanted to end my trip in Amsterdam. So I flew to Split, it was June 28th.

The minute I stepped out of the airport my brain jammed. I stopped, I stood there carrying my new 70litre olive green backpack. I had everything that I associated comfort with on my back. A hair dryer, conditioner, nail file, comfort bed sheet, 3 pairs of shoes, moisturizer, lip balm, Special K bars even individually packed crepes. It was my first time out traveling on my own and I was a long way from home. I could hear my voice talking in my head. "No one knows this is my first time, I could be on my way to be meeting some people,someone, anyone"! I kept my cool by justifying and defending myself on a mental note to passerby's who might possibly, just possibly, notice...I was all alone.

Tens of questions blurred my judgment and like a bullet they shot through my head, Why was I here?What have I done.What do I do now?Oh my god... just go for it!

I gathered my thoughts and brought myself back down to earth and did what I do best, I observed. Where was everyone else going? I thought to myself as I looked around at scattered backpackers in little groups of 2 to 4. I just had to follow the crowd. And from the moment I took that next step, my bag felt slightly lighter and I had taken a deep breath only to let out a smile as I began to walk into an adventure beyond my wildest imagination.

I hopped on the bus everyone seemed to be cramming onto and found a spot just a few rows from the front. The driver went around selling tickets and some how skipped me. I contemplated, should I start off my trip by saving a little money? After all, I am on a budget. It wouldn't matter much to him - he has a full bus load of people. No, I want to start my trip by being honest and paying my own way. I'm here to be independent and if this is God's way of saying save some money then no thank you. I tapped the driver on the shoulder as he was about to walk onto the next row in front of me. He was a tall man, he looked stern. The kind of bus driver kids wouldn't want to annoy. I pointed out to him that he'd bypassed me and I didn't have a ticket. For the first time that morning, he smiled. Not just a simple smile, but a gleaming smile from cheek to cheek. Positive energy is around me now, I could feel it.

Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Realization .1.

A beginning to an end.

My life was entangled in a web of mess I'd spun myself into. I left the man I was to marry for the hope to be with a man who had broken my heart twice. A confused soul, tired from battling a war of crossroads and losing myself on the way. I decided to take the year off.

After all, I'd finished my degree. I have the certificate my mother wants...but what do I want? "Journalism really isn't the strongest sector of the economy right now. I can't take the stress. Can you imagine having a deadline every day?" And every other excuse I could come up with. Truth be told, I was just lost. I didn't know what I wanted and was too scared to get involved in anything.

My love life was a mess,my mind lost in clouds of smoke and too afraid of rejection. Who have I become? I'm a confident person, at least I used to be. I'd become a zombie, a prisoner of this body and I needed to get away.

So I ran far and I ran alone, I ran for the next year in search of everything I'd lost and need to learn.