What is love?

.......classic.

For centuries people have asked the same question over and over, but the simplest, also most unemotional explanation still stands at "an intense feeling of deep affection".

W.h.a.t  t.h.e  FUCK? 

It's not uncommon to hear in passing or to meet some who lives their life motto of "...love is everything". 

So if it really is everything why aren't scientists finding a cure for a broken heart? Perhaps a potion to heal a bruised heart or a bleeding love? 

Is it not as important as a cure for cancer? 

 Probably not. 

 

 ...but who says love isn't life threatening?

People have been killed for love, some die for it and some are lost forever because of it. Is a cure for the soul not as important because it wont give a result on a blood test or show up on an x-ray?

You may say I'm thinking illogically but just because we're developed in the world of convenience through technology, medicine and science doesn't mean that love isn't worthy enough of just as much attention.  

If there's any debate about it at all 

....it's that we haven't given it enough attention. 

Those who spoke the words of love like Aristotle and Nietzsche are now long gone to our current generation. Only to be replaced by modern bibles of loose love. It seems the more we know about love, the further away from it we stand.

I didn't always stand on this side of the fence, but I have to say the view is pretty nice from here. I suppose once you see the grass that is apparently greener on the other side, at least you can chose which side you want to be on. 

And if you don't have the maturity or plain right common sense to make the better decision, then may god be with you.

....because you're f.u.c.k.e.d.

This time around.

It never fails to surprise me at how easily I fall.

Perhaps I bring it on myself? By caring for whoever I'm seeing in an exceeding way. 

Being too nice, too considerate, thoughtful and generous to the point where my mind tricks me into believing things could be different from what they are now. 

I'm obviously living untruths and allowing my blind soul to be swept away by the current. Putting my heart at risk of being drowned all over again. 

It's like a temperamental snowball rolling down and hill and artificially stopping from time to time. But that doesn't mean it wont continue rolling down the moment it feels the sun shine again. Destined to indefinitely continue making the same mistakes on the same infinite mountain that makes it grow as gravity tries to bring it down to earth. 

I realise now that I can't fake feelings, but I can withdraw them faster. When you're in my arms, you're my prioritized attention. But when you become my yesterday I've learned to throw out the heavy heart that I know today because tomorrow I'll take just that little extra care. 

And like all great and terrible things in life - history always repeats itself. 

....It's just a matter of whether or not you're a little more prepared this time around.

I surf around and I'm constantly drawn to pictures of happy couples. Whether or not I'm subconsciously drawn to them or not, I don't know.

I was once that happy, happy to wake up next to the man of my (then) dreams. He was everything to me and it just amazes me at how today, he means nothing at all. Well ok, that's not entirely true as I suppose he'll always be in my memories.

He was a gorgeous man who I loved with all my heart, but the timing wasn't right and I had to end what would have soon become a marriage. A marriage at a tender 21 years old? Although I've always been told my mentality is way beyond my physical age, there are still parts of my "maturity" that I believe to be extremely young. And that, caused me to spiral into the unknown. But haven't you heard before? That life is only worth living if it's lived in the unknown? To wake up everyday to something different and amazing in big or even small impacting ways? I believe that.

And after all is said and done....are we all not just looking for something to believe in?

Perhaps when I find someone to once again hold hands with and gaze into each others eyes and see a happily ever after fairytale I'll believe that love conquers all. But for now, love is for the weak.

It's funny, I honestly never imagined myself saying anything remotely negative or cynical about love. But what doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger. I've had my fair share of hits from love and now, my time is to be lived for me because one day, I'll be giving everything I am to someone I believe in.

I see young love, comfortable love, welded love and fake love all around me....all the time. But who's judging? Not me. I'm in no position to judge, it's only going to be a matter of time before the next Mr.Right-now comes along. And until then....judgment is at bay.