It's been so long since I've written.

The last three years were really difficult. But for the most of it, I guess I wasn't really here. I don't know why but I feel like I'm always rushing.

...to the finish line.

The minute I start anything, I want it to be over. It's almost like I don't know how to really enjoy the moment.


(long pause)


(no. ....really.)

See. I just tend to fizzle off my train of thought and move on to something else. Perhaps I feel that if I write it out and see it then I'll actually process it like proper information.

See it for what it really is.

My life that is.

Sometimes I feel like my mind controls my body. While the little girl in me, who never grew up...

...is now realizing she has to start growing up.









Now I feel like what I'm writing is rubbish. Because it's oh so boo hoo hoo.

So now I'm alright again.

What was wrong with me before? Well. I was teary. and emotional. and feeling really kinda useless.

but now i'm feeling quite the opposite. like i'm quite embarrassed.

anyway.

i think i'm gonna end this here. because it's really weird.