I've never had problems meeting guys. There's always been someone knocking on my door. I don't say this condescendingly. I just happen to be fortunate looking. At least I use to believe I was. In my old life.
Ever since I hit an emotional wall and locked up my inner self, I've been dealing with my day to day life on auto pilot. It's like I'm hollow inside and I really don't have that many positive feelings anymore. My reactions are a combination of instant reflex and years of personality that my mind and body work hard together to cover for Me. I constantly feel gloomy and my forehead always weighs down over my face. The constant worry of worrying about worrying.
It's brought me down, and it's physically making me older. It almost feels like I'm giving up mind body and soul, but my conscience has me on a drip. Giving me just enough to keep getting through the days. Please, be fooled by how well I keep it tucked under the carpet. I'm often impressed myself.
What am I going to do with myself? Where is this life going? Why is my body changing? ...Why is my mind turning against me?
Mirror, why are you showing me such ugliness? Mind, why are you so cruel? Heart, where the fuck are you?
So the knocking at my doors continue, but these days they aren't knocking so frequently. And I always peep through the hole to see who it is. I don't let anyone into my Heart anymore. Since the last guest threw shit all over the walls by ending love ...when love was suppose to stay. I haven't had time to clean up the mess. I haven't had time to redecorate. I've spent too much time on keeping everyone else out.
I don't open the doors anymore, because he who stands on the other side of the door, is on the other side of the door for a reason. I wish love would find a way to grow again in my heart. But love requires so much attention, trust, dedication, sacrifice, time, loyalty, sincerity. So many positive things! And I have non of those, they all escaped when the realized Heart had stopped being cozy and warm. When Heart started deteriorating.
Sum = 1.
Ever since I hit an emotional wall and locked up my inner self, I've been dealing with my day to day life on auto pilot. It's like I'm hollow inside and I really don't have that many positive feelings anymore. My reactions are a combination of instant reflex and years of personality that my mind and body work hard together to cover for Me. I constantly feel gloomy and my forehead always weighs down over my face. The constant worry of worrying about worrying.
It's brought me down, and it's physically making me older. It almost feels like I'm giving up mind body and soul, but my conscience has me on a drip. Giving me just enough to keep getting through the days. Please, be fooled by how well I keep it tucked under the carpet. I'm often impressed myself.
What am I going to do with myself? Where is this life going? Why is my body changing? ...Why is my mind turning against me?
Mirror, why are you showing me such ugliness? Mind, why are you so cruel? Heart, where the fuck are you?
So the knocking at my doors continue, but these days they aren't knocking so frequently. And I always peep through the hole to see who it is. I don't let anyone into my Heart anymore. Since the last guest threw shit all over the walls by ending love ...when love was suppose to stay. I haven't had time to clean up the mess. I haven't had time to redecorate. I've spent too much time on keeping everyone else out.
I don't open the doors anymore, because he who stands on the other side of the door, is on the other side of the door for a reason. I wish love would find a way to grow again in my heart. But love requires so much attention, trust, dedication, sacrifice, time, loyalty, sincerity. So many positive things! And I have non of those, they all escaped when the realized Heart had stopped being cozy and warm. When Heart started deteriorating.
Sum = 1.
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